dog for sale

i walked in the house to quite a surprise today: so much a shock-and-awe that i left the keys in the front door + didn't realize it until i was looking for them an hour earlier. i walked in to see this in the living room floor:




oh, can't tell what that crumpled up thing is among the shoes? well, it's this beautiful leather tote cricket bought me last week for my trip.

[banana republic leather market tote in cognac]

isn't wasn't it beautiful? now it looks like this...



and this...



i almost teared up. it still makes me a little emotional, so it's best i let the little turd explain how it got the facelift...

hi. i'm lula. i see that we met yesterday, but not yet officially. in that case, my name is Ms. Tallulah Belle Velmer. i'm a 5 year old beagle rescue. do you remember uno who won the westminster kennel club's "best in show" back in '08?

[handsome fella, eh?]

i get confused for him all the time. paparazzi is a nightmare, i tell ya. (okay, it's only happened a few times if you want 100% honesty). his nose is a little more square than mine, and my skin is more fair. anyway, looks aren't everything, ya know.

[i used the post-surgery pic for the sympathy vote...hope it works!]

anyway, i'm pretty darn cute right? yeah, i've had my separation anxiety issues in the past, but i'm usually really loving + really mild-tempered. but this past week has been rough. first, mom pulled out her suitcase and packed up for work trip. i HATE that suitcase. it just makes me cringe. and it makes me very sad. but since dad's suitcase wasn't out, i was relieved that he'd be hanging at home with me. the next day, dad pulled out HIS suitcase. it was a new one that i'd never seen before, but i HATE it too. what? they're both gone? what about me? dad packed up my stuff and i thought i might get to go with him and see mommy. but no, they took me to see my buddy oscar.

i have a BIG crush on oscar. his dad + my dad used to work together so we got to play at the office, and he's my best friend in the whole world. he's one of the only dogs i play with. and that's because he's cute. i made him a valentine this year too. i think he blushed. anyway, while we were playing, dad walked out the door. WAIT! you're gonna LEAVE me here? i like oscar and all, but dad packed a lot of clothes in that suitcase, and mom packed at least 5 pair of shoes. this seems too long.

oscar and i had a good time playing. i was happy until i found out mom wasn't at some boring meeting--she was in florida. at the beach. for spring training. what? i guess she forgot i'm on dogbook + can see her status updates. DUH! so i see her at the beach--my favorite place in the world. and i'm stuck here?

[sunset at clearwater beach...i could be playing in that sand]

luckily, oscar + i played a lot before she picked me up, so i kinda forgot about the deception. and it was dinnertime. we went home and played and hugged and she gave me a treat or two. i was so glad to have mom home, but wait. where's dad? i kept looking out the window for him.

mom stayed home the next day except during my naptime. i got some yummy treats. good day.

tuesday morning, she let me out early. even though it was pouring down rain, i had to get out! my belly hurt so i wanted to eat all the grass i could (and there's plenty 'cuz dad needs to mow). mom had to come out in her rain boots to get me...she wasn't thrilled. i didn't even want my breakfast. eventually mom got dressed and she left me. all day long. i just waited and waited and waited for one of them to come home. and she didn't get home early enough. so i got sick. that grass didn't sit well with me, so i vomited on my the rug. i know, not ideal. but dad's usually home an hour earlier, and i just couldn't hold it. but i really tried.

today was a good day. my belly felt good this morning and i slept in. mom left again + i took a nap. i guess i got a little stir crazy. i started roaming around the house. whoa! low + behold, the office is OPEN. i mean, the door is shut, but if i bump it hard enough i bet i can push it open. success! oooooh, look at all the goodies in here. where do i start? dad's sweaty leather soccer cleats. yep, i'll take those to my spot in the living room. oh, dad's work shoe? it smells like delicious mud, and leather. hmmm...what's in the trash? nah, nothing there. wait. what is THAT? ohhhh, it's pretty. and smells yummy. it's so soft. and leather. yep, it's going in my pile.

the handles on that bag were like a luxurious chew toy. i bet that's what mr. trump's dogs get as treats. the stuff in the bag was pretty boring, and mom's ipod headphones wouldn't fit my ears. but the leather sure was yummy.


uh-oh. what's that noise? ohhh...not again. yeah, i got sick again. the leather didn't want to stay in my belly, so i threw it up on the rug. i thought i'd try to get close enough to yesterday's spot so it'd be easy to for mom to clean.



there you have it, my side of the story. was i bad? would you forgive me?

***cricket's already offered to replace the bag. what a doll. though i really think it should come out of lula's allowance, but unfortunately she doesn't get paid to nap.